


nebulas

by lonvely



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, I AM SORRY, M/M, angst that turns into fluff, astronomy stuff, crapy writing, i can relate to oikawa way too much, iwaoi - Freeform, not really - Freeform, oikawa breaking down
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-18
Updated: 2015-12-18
Packaged: 2018-05-07 12:05:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5455904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonvely/pseuds/lonvely
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I am like Pluto, always forgotten, always told he is not a planet -not big enough, not good enough to be a planet-, so small and meaningless"</p>
            </blockquote>





	nebulas

Chocolate brown eyes blinkedup at the starry sky, wide and blank as they took in every small fleck of silver dancing on the dark and endless veil above him. Lips tightly pursed into a straight line, every inhale like a stab in his chest and every exhale a short lived relief in the hollowness of his body. Dread and hatred settling like a heavy rock on his shoulders ,making him feel tired, making him want to close his eye lids and neveropen themagain. His eye lashes fluttered a bit, nose scrunching up when he swallowed the hard lump in his throat. He could already feel the tears forming in the corners of his eyes, big droplets flowing freely down his cheeks like diamonds before breaking down fromhis chin to his shirt, the one he always wore for practice. He chokeddown a sob, lips twisting into a lopside grin, obviously way too forced from the furrow of his eye brows to the trembling of his lips.

"Uh" he fake sighed to as if to emphasize the immposibility of his words "How much iwish icouldbe a nebula" He breathed, fists clenching at his sides, his voice had cracked a bit, but he could not bring himself to care, he wishedto care, he wanted to stop the tears pooling in the corners of his eyes, the bottomless feeling of being broken to go away and for him to just stop feeling like this. The shift against his back made himfreeze. When nothing came, he relaxed a bit and let out a shaky breath. "Why?" Iwaizumi asked softly, almost hesitating on speaking, his shoulders relaxing as he kept his gaze straight ahead, feeling Oikawa's body shake and tremble with every sob he triedto force down.

Pathetic, that's how Oikawa felt right now. He could barely talk. The words grounded at the back of his throat as he struggled to even breathe, every sob he tried to hold back a tight punch to his gut. "Because" he started, wiping his nose on his shirt's sleeve. "Nebulas are beautiful, they are-"he inhaled and let out a bitter laughter, stopping for a bit and leaning his headback against Iwaizumi's shoulder. "they are everything i am not". he finished looking up at the sky but not really focusing to anything, Iwaizumi snorted his hand coming up to play with Oikawa's soft tuffs in a soothing way, a way he hoped would express the comfort he wished to give Oikawa ( a comfort Oikawa needed and he could not giveit no matter how much he wanted to)

"Well, you are not an interstellar cloud made of dust" he mumbled, and Oikawa almost laughedbefore huffing and sniffling. "Interstellar cloud made of dust, hydrogen, helium and some other ionized gases, Iwa-chan, not just dust" he corrected and Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, had Oikawa learnedthe whole astronomy wiki by heart? probably, the word nerd threatening to roll off of his tongue before he felt Oikawa's shoulders violently shaking against his own. "I-iwa-chan--" Oikawa started again, it sounded pained and broken and everything iwaizumi hatedto hear from him.

"Stop" Iwaizumi pleaded, voice barely above a whisper as he let his hand drop from Oikawa's hair to his lap. "Stop it Tooru, don't do that to yourself." Iwaizumi continued, expression turning pained and tired, his teeth tugging at his bottom lip."I am sorry" Oikawa cried out, pushing himself from Iwaizumiand burying his head in his arms. "I am sorry" he continuedand soon enough he was chanting the apology inbetween his every sob and short inhale. Iwaizumi was stunned to silence, Oikawa looked so small like that, so vulnerable, so fragile, like a piece of broken glass, a piece Iwaizumi wanted to collect and fix but he knew he would only achieve on cutting himself and breaking even further.

"Tooru" Iwaizumi breathed out, now fully facing Oikawa, his body close enough to feel the heat radiating from the taller male's own body. "I hate this Iwa-chan, ihate feeling like that, i hate me" Oikawa finally looked up, eyes puffy, expression drained of everything Oikawa's facade was (a facade he took years of perfecting), leaving just a tiredface, his nose and cheeks red from crying. Iwaizumi shook his head, not really able to say something, 19 years of knowing each other and he still always found himself speechless when Oikawa broke down, because Oikawa was good at hiding his emotions, so good that it sometimes fooled even Iwaizumi , those times were times like these, times where the green eyed one felt hopeless, cause he had no idea what to do, Oikawa never opened up to anyone, not even Iwaizumi, never let him know how could Iwaizumi help him, and when he did open up, it was scary, it was something Iwaizumi could not get used to.

"I am like Pluto, always forgotten, always told he is not a planet -not big enough, not good enough to be a planet-, so small and meaningless" Oikawa spoke dragging Iwaizumi off of his traing of thoughts, andIwaizumi felt desperation cloud his mind, the smile on Oikawa's face was the worst he had ever seen, eyes tired and empty of all their glow, lips barely holding up the smile. As if smiling had always been a burden (and it trully always had been).

"No, god damn it Tooru, you are not Pluto, you are-" Iwaizumi inhaled sharply, his voice rising louder than he intended. His eyes met Oikawa's andhe stopped breathing momentarily, forest green meeting chcolate brown and Iwaizumi's heart leaped on his chest. "You are" he stuttered hesitantly holding Oikawa's face between his hands, bringing their foreheads close together till there was almost no space between them. "You are the whole Milky way, the whole galaxy, with alll the solar systems and the planets and the stars and the nebulas and-" he struggled to make a meaning out of his words, mouth running faster than his mind , the need to express his feelings stronger than he could think. "Even if there are bigger galaxies, i don't care, you are important, you matter Tooru, god damn it, i can't even start about how much you matter, to everyone around you, your parents, your teammates -me-" Tears were running down Oikawa's cheeks again, his hands holding Iwaizumi's slightly smaller ones, wanting to pull them away from him, to hide his face, to wipe his tears.

"Please Tooru" Iwaizumi pleadedagain, voice softer than ever. "Please, for fucks sake" his hands rubbed soothing circles on Oikawa's skin, hands big and callousedagainst the soft skin of Oikawa's cheeks, he could feel the moisture from the tears still running down Oikawa's cheeks but he could not care, not when his own cheeks had started staining with the tears he had struggledto hold back so many times. The tears he wanted to hold back for Oikawa, the tears of not being able to do anyting, the tears he for once let run down freely. "Fuck" he mumbled, one handleaving Oikawa's cheek to quickly wipe at his own Oikawa snorted and Iwaizumi's head shot up, he was laughing, his eyes now a bit brighter.

"Iwa-chan you are such an ugly crier." Oikawa mumbled between sobs, laughter mixing with crying and Iwaizumihissed a 'shut up' as Oikawa, with shaky fingers, wiped some tears fromhis cheeks. His touch lingering a bit on iwaizumi's skin, making the shorter male flush a bit. "Seriously you look horrible like that" Oikawa continued, laughter more vibrant now as his hands moved down to cling on Iwaizumi's shirt. "I could say the same for you, you asshole" Iwaizumi criedout ,his hands moving at the back of Oikawa's head to bump their foreheads together once more, his lips tugging up into a small smile as well.

Iwaizumi desperately holding Oikawa against himself, afraid that if he left him alone, if he let him go even for a second, he would break down again, he would break into even smaller pieces, pieces that Iwaizumi would never be able to even touch again. No he was too scared to do that, he wanted Oikawa close to him, to make sure he could at least stop any more damage from happening.

**Author's Note:**

> i am sorry for this,this is just me having a shity mood and writing my emotions through oikawa
> 
> this is actually based on a conversation i had with a close friend of mine, and well, to lift up my mood. thought of turning it into an iwaoi story


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